Thursday, January 3, 2008

'07 Asshole of the Year

Sorry, a bit later on this one than planned, but choosing the biggest asshole of 2007 takes some time. There was an extensive exploration of the asshole-ness of each nominee, including a high profile bipartisan commission evaluating each asshole. OK, so it was essentially me deciding which man or woman acted in the most objectionable, irritating, and infuriating way during the past year. As the picture suggests, I chose one Mr. Michael Vick as 2007's biggest asshole, but he certainly had some competition:

Michael Vick: Remember a couple months ago when we thought Vick's flipping off the crowd and taking pot onto the plane was big news? Yeah, well, things done changed. One of the saddest downfalls of a pro athlete in recent memory. This is funny though:

PETA: A close second to Vick. I don't have a problem with animal rights' protests, but chill the fuck down, PETA.

Barry Bonds: Cheating asshole of the year. Embarrased the game of baseball, treated everyone like assholes along the way. Of course, he, uh, didn't kill any dogs.

Lil' Wayne: World's greatest rapper? World's most omnipresently annoying musician, more like it. Some critics love him, but that southern, crawling drawl gets on my nerves. Particularly when he's on, like, every single hip-hop song this year, including the worst track on both American Gangster and Graduation.

Voldemort: SPOILER ALERT. This is one mean motherfuckin' wizard. He got taken down by Harry at the end, but I had to tolerate 700 pages of his evil deeds prior to his inevitable death. R.I.P. Lupin and Tonks.

Alberto Gonzales: Why is he nominated? I don't recall. Maybe Ashcroft told me to when I visited him in the hospital.

Isiah Thomas: Such an asshole. Between the sexual harassment controversy and the Knicks' sucking, I wouldn't mind if 'ol Isiah just went away for a while.

EMI executives: Don't fuck with Radiohead. Just don't do it.

Elizabeth Hasselback: Kind of a perennial nominee. She just annoys the hell out of me. New Year's Resolution: annihilate The View.

OJ Simpson: My bad, he doesn't belong here...he just wanted his shit back. No AC this time around, though.
Chuck Norris: That damn Huckabee ad. Good 'ol Walker Texas Ranger has officially become too self-referential.

Don Imus: Succeeds Michael Richards as racist of the year.

1 comment:

Erik said...

Elizabeth Hasselbeck should be the asshole of the year. I hate her with all my might.